When
the bond between a father and child breaks, it harms more than two people. It damages the community, and its effect can
be felt for generations. Save that
relationship and we will save ourselves.
(LaRosa & Rank, 2001)
Last night was the second night I’ve watched my city
self-destruct with police in riot gear and in formation, with the National
Guard patrolling our streets. As a
veteran, I’m painfully aware of what a military presence means and of its
capabilities. All of this is taking
place in my city. I reflect upon that
simple statement of “my city”. I am a
Baltimorean. I reside barely within the
limits of Baltimore City, not by choice, but by circumstance. As a result of an agreement with my ex-wife, I
moved here in 2003. We planned to raise a family here, stay for a
few years, and then move on. Within the
first year, I realized that I didn’t particularly care for Baltimore. As we all know, life happens. I
ended up divorced, with shared custody of two young children in a city and
state where I have no family, no connections, no ties. I was not particularly pleased with this turn
of events. My life turned out differently than I planned, but throughout the
years, I’ve come to accept my situation and to make
the best of it. I’ve met good friends, spent time in just about all areas of
the city, claimed the Ravens as my own, and have made it…..”home”.
I’ve always enjoyed the intersection of history and
economics. I often wonder which in fact
is causational. Do economic factors drive events or do events drive economic
situations? As Santayana stated, “Those
who forget the past are condemned to repeat it”. Baltimore became known as Mob Town in the
press dating back to 1837, with several occurrences of group lawlessness
leading up to the attack on Union soldiers passing through in 1861. There are obviously
still many among us who remember the riots of 1968 following the assassination
of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Yes, we’ve had a history of destruction of
property from angry citizens. When I
arrived in the 2003, I noticed the severity of social ills in Baltimore. I noticed the tremendous divide and inequity
between neighborhoods separated many times by no physical boundaries, yet separated
thousands of miles economically. I
noticed the pathetic status of the public school system. I noticed the number
of young men, mostly of my complexion, with nowhere to go during business
hours. Of course, I noticed what could
not be avoided when traveling beyond the Inner Harbor but not quite into
Catonsville, Reisterstown, Parkville, Essex or Dundalk. The number of vacant homes in disrepair is
astounding and embarrassing to explain to visitors. I’ve traveled down streets that remind me of
streets in Afghanistan, which has been constantly at war since the 1970’s. The only obvious differences being Afghanistan
and Baltimore are the roads in Baltimore are paved and the buildings are three
stories instead of two. I covered
business banking for the downtown area and being out and about each day, it
took me only a short while to notice the tremendous hopelessness, despair, and
stress on the streets of the silent and often invisible neighborhoods in Baltimore.
This Baltimore is not visible at the Inner Harbor, Fells Point, or
Canton. But to see it, we only need to
open our eyes which will cause us to shed tears at some of the daily
sights.
My career progressed, and truth be told regressed at
times, yet I grew deeper in my understanding of the various factors at play
that have led to our current situation. It isn’t hard and it’s the same cast of
characters and ills that plague every city: lack of employment opportunities,
underperforming school systems, insufficient public transportation, lasting
effects of the recession, selective gentrification, the effects of the war on
drugs, etc., etc. Over the years, I have
searched long and hard and realized that what enables us to be resilient is the
family unit. A series of events led to
my “ah ha moment”. Don’t get me wrong,
I’m not pushing marriage on anyone….it didn’t work well for me, but that’s a
different story….What we are really talking about here is the lack of
Fatherhood, involvement, capacity, and guidance. Having my epiphany moment and utilizing my
professional experience, I formed House of David, Advocates for Fathers, Inc.
as a non-profit organization on Father’s Day 2011. I sat on this idea for three years, mentally
conceptualizing and structuring it while agonizing about the feasibility until
the time was right. In 2013, another
series of events led to an unexpected amount of free time (yet another story)
and I decided it was time.
How could anyone deny the cause of our social ills?
Having done the research, and traveling to Philadelphia and the West Coast to
learn best practices, the organization’s operation was launched. My intent was to provide men with the
knowledge and skills needed to be more engaged in the lives of their
children. If an organization could
facilitate this involvement, it would bring about a change in attitude, focus
and priorities, sense of responsibility, work ethic, mental strength, and
yes….resiliency that comes from the guidance of a properly equipped and engaged
Father. Academically, I sought to bring
about cognitive behavioral change in Fathers who are experiencing difficulty. Who wouldn’t fund this initiative? I believed
this was a no brainer. I was met with resistance and after a while I
began to anticipate the likely responses:
“There are plenty of organizations whose missions are similar”,
“Organization X owns that space”, “Have you considered partnering or merging
with X”, or “Do we need another Fatherhood organization?” From several local government departments,
I’ve received: “We don’t have the funding to support….”, “We already provide
this service...”, and “We already have an initiative that seeks the same
results….”. Obviously, these are all solutions
that have been successful and clearly point to successful outcomes, hence our
current situation of troops in our streets. Maybe, I simply haven’t been around
long enough to know how and why we do things the way we do in Baltimore, or why
new initiatives won’t work, and in understanding that our community’s problems
are completely under control. Maybe I
haven’t seen enough of the dire situation within our community.
I refuse to adopt the mindset of many decision
makers whose answer to our cultural issues are simply more of the same. The recent riots, destruction of property,
and other acts of civil disobedience clearly show that the current focus,
direction, funded initiatives, and minimal outcomes are simply ineffective. The status quo of supportive services to
those in need cannot continue. I will never stop believing that a Father who
is fully engaged in the lives of his children keeps his children close to him
instead of allowing them to throw stones at authority figures and to loot and
destroy the property of others. He helps
his children understand the need to pursue goals and plan for the future. He
inspires them to move the family name forward with a positive impact on the
community. I accept that the my organization’s
mission and purpose lack the corporate and financial backing necessary before getting
buy-in. However, the 110 Fathers we have
already served, the Board of Directors, and myself will hold on and continue to
provide services without funding. Our
program is holistic and doesn’t simply attempt to apply a quick bandage when
the patient has other symptoms. We have and
will continue to assist Fathers in the detention centers, half-way homes, transitional
shelters, and as referrals from various offices of child support and
enforcement and from Baltimore’s Drug Court. We know that the role of a Father
matters and makes a difference.
Yours in Fatherhood,
David T. Clements
